I haven't written in a while for the
same reasons I always avoid writing. Depression. I have an open door
policy about having bi-polar disorder. It's like a fail safe.
Obviously it is painful to be open about that sort of thing. But it
is also the safest way to be dangerously depressed. In any case-- I
dislike subjecting myself to retroactively self imposed cruel
criticism because I've said something brilliant under the stress of
depression.
Is that Naomi or Depression writing?
And if someone else finds the writing striking... what would it do to
Naomi if Depression is what deserves the credit and praise?
I avoid the issue all at once by not
giving depression the satisfaction of being a better writer than me.
CALL ME CRAZY.
Speaking of crazy. I made Hurricane
Challah.
That's how I deal.
The absolute most stressful part of a
storm when living in NOLA... is convincing everyone who loves you
that you will be totally and completely OK.
I'm OK.
I mean. I'm not OK OK. I'm stressed the
fuck out. Mu is meowing his brains out. It's sent my blood pressure
through the roof. Speaking of! Just last week my roof was leaking
from the pressure of a normal thunder storm. FUN! I'm going to miss
three days of work, putting my finances in an even bigger pinch.
GRAGH! All I have to eat is beans. Which I am, now that I think about
it, glad for! I've been to two grocery stores since they became sure
Isaac was heading our way. What I saw turned my stomach. Disclaimer
I'm about to sound like a judgmental bitch.
I saw men and women with children in
their carts, children in tow... loading up on shit. TOTAL SHIT. Junk
food that comes pre-packaged... and I see where they're coming from.
And then again.... I DON'T. We're talking about people who are so
wound up about the idea of a Katrina-like event that they want to be
prepared. Better prepared than the last time. They want to make sure
they have FOOD.
But what I see everyone buying is empty
calories. Sodium heavy, processed beyond true nutrition, low protein
value... shit that won't fill them up long, won't fuel their bodies
for anything more than farting and dashing to the commode because
they have high-fructose syrup solid, hydrogenated oil lubed turds to
purge from their nutrient starved bodies.
I've seen carts that are more full with
soda than water when water is actually available to purchase. People
are worried about drowning in storm water when they ought to be
worried about drowning in their own sugar powered food ignorance.
I've been reminded that some canned
vegetables have, IN ONE SERVING, have up to 20% a daily value of
sodium. Why? Not to mention many canned veggies have artificial dyes
in them. Because mother fucking nature didn't make GREEN beans
fucking GREEN enough.
Someone ran over my foot with a
shopping cart and didn't stop to apologize. That has nothing to do
with the food stupids and everything to do with common fucking
courtesy.
I went to the co-op too. Things there,
of course, were calm and not as gross. Canned beans were almost sold
out. Fair enough. The small bulk spice section had enough variety to
last you a few days of canned food boredom. I bought organic green
onions that will at least flavor up my boring diet of legumes and
tortillas. They'll keep out of refrigeration a day too. At least the
flavor will. And some garnet sweet potatoes because they'll cover a
craving for both sweet and savory if I get too stressed out. They
were well stocked, very calm, and sensitive.
I have canela and manzanilla to make
myself comforting tea. Brown rice and quinoa. Fresh made Challah.
Home made ghee (Someone else made it. I might make my own tomorrow).
Tortillas, corn and flour. A bag of spinach. Dried soup mixes full
of... you guessed it, beans and spices.
I'm not saying chowing down on some
junk food in a high stress situation doesn't calm you down a bit. I
would kill for some sour cream and onion chips right now. Or mac n'
cheese.With green chile.
But if you're going to run over my foot
with your grocery cart as if you're in some rush to get somewhere and
survive something devastating with someone(s) you love.... at least
buy the kind of sustenance that will... I don't know... SUSTAIN YOU
AND YOUR LOVED ONES.
Because if your dehydrated and
malnourished ass doesn't survive my pain will have been for fucking
naught.
Obviously... I shouldn't write when I'm
angry and anxious too.
But on a lighter note... The bread I made is amazing delicious.
